Wednesday, April 9, 2008

My Perfect NonSense Code

I have achieved the one-ness and perfection of Namaste! My two beautiful girlfriends, that you can see here, are in love with my newest product. The Zoogle NonSense server is finally here!

I have a new l33t team, and an amazing new website that is so good, it doesn't even need pictures on it! You can join too. Coding skillZ are not required. Speaking in full sentences is not required. Bathing, brushing your teeth, or washing your clothes is also not required. All you have to do is be my mindless minion and worship the ground I walk on. That will be easy for you, because I'm so great!

Now the surprise is revealed! For the source to my greatness, go look at my new site.


Sunday, March 30, 2008

ZiPhone 3.0 PWNS, Using Secret Code

You've all been waiting for a BIG THING. Well I've got one. It's big. It's mine. It's all your dreams come true. Even the ones you never knew. But I know. Because I know you.

I'm about to release ZiPhone 3.0. It's all new and based on my new ZiCode. It has so much power that I've had to hide most of the features. As well as further obfuscate my code. Most people didn't understand my code anyway, but this makes no sense to anyone at all. Even AFTER you decrypt it! Translating it into English or Italian will not help either. Only a ROT13, performed 13 times can help you now. But only for very small clues. The rest can only be understood by the powerful Zoogle NonSense server, which took weeks to build, making it an ancient, unsolvable mystery to me now.

Go ahead. Get your iPhones and your wallets out. I'm going to make more bricks, and you're going to stop holding those donations.


Friday, March 21, 2008

I Found My Monies

Thanks for worrying about me so much, and for all those deposits into my Swiss bank account. As soon as I figure out how to dual boot my brain, I can recover the password Jason stole, and get my millionz.

The problem with Google was all their fault. They gave bad informations on Wikipedia, about charitable causes. I know that's what I am, and that's why I deserve those public service announcements. Just because my site is Made For Adsense doesn't make all those clicks made by the ZiBot invalid. That's just BULLSHITS! Those clicks are generated whenever someone is kicked from my channel. That's perfectly valid!

It's going to be so easy to PWN Google! I'm even using their own search engine against them. I know all about AdSense already. Now I'm working on Common Sense, Sense and Sensibility, and all the other Senses. My final and ultimate PWN will be NonSense! It's a brand new search engine that re-directs all traffic to my blog, and makes you donate until you quit the browser.  Until it's ready, stop holding your donations, and send me something off Zibri's Amazon Wishlist

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Don't Hold Those Donations!

I've been so busy counting my money, I've had no time to blog. Nevermind that hiccup with Interpol and my PayPal account. It turns out I was innocent. All I had to do was frame that stupid guy, Jason. He deserved it, for having such a cute girlfriend, right? You're going to be thrilled, I tell you. Thrilled! Why? Because you can finally stop being desperate and holding those donations.

All your money may now be wired to me. No more PayPal bullshits! Just send it directly to my numbered Swiss bank account. Name of recipient can be left blank, of course. That's how I left Jason's memory after I made my deposit (he'll never know). Details are as follows:

Bank Leu (AG) in Zurich
Bahnhofstrasse 32
Z├╝rich CH-8022
Tel: 01 219 11 11 Fax: 01 219 31 97
Account No: CH80 0506 50A1 0256 0288 1

You're thrilled aren't you? I know you love me. Now you can show me how much, in the currency of your choice.  :-P

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Big Z Is Watching You


To my fellow brothers and minions. It has come to my attention that many are not familiar with our Zilosophy and require re-education. The Ministries are working hard on this monumental task. Here are a few of the actions being taken.

1) The Ministry of Truth shall issue a memo with the following message: "We have always been at war with the East. All great code was written by Zibri (even if it wasn't). The Dev Team has always stolen Zibri's work (even if they didn't)."
2) The Ministry of Peace shall continue adding new banwords, such as iPlus, to the ZiBot, to prevent uprisings and insurrections. Anyone inciting the minions on IRC to use iPlus shall be kicked or killed, then arrested. Winston Smith shall be revising our earlier list.
3) The Ministry of Love shall employ the Thought Police as spies to uproot anyone remotely considering the use of iPlus. Those found guilty of thoughtcrime shall be taken to Room 101 and have their faces chewed off by rabid zebras if they do not recant. All must accept Big Z as their only love, or die.

Saturday, March 8, 2008

iSteal iSolitaire, iBlackjack, iEverything

I love beautiful things. They remind me of myself. Especially wiggly icons and little cards on screens that wiggle as if on speed. Wheeeeeeeee! But most importantly, I enjoy not paying for those beautiful things. Why should I pay? I invented the idea of wiggling and wishywashing. People should pay ME. Why? Because I work very hard at stealing (almost as hard as I work trying to get donations). Just like today, when I gave my #ziphone channel members my h4x0r3d copy of iBlackjack.

You don't think I stole it? Read my lips! err, my log:

[12:13] hey Zibri
[12:13] <zibri> so..
[12:13] <bart> can you tell geeb please
[12:13] <worldcup82> hi zibri
[12:13] <zibri> look what i have "found":
[12:13] <bart> Zibri today i was going to 1.1.4 then jailbreak only my iphone it works perfect with 2.5c
[12:14] <bart> so whats the problem all ppl say not take 2.5c with 1.1.4
[12:14] <zibri> the author of that program did something i didn't like at all: he put a donate button in the program.. but he also put a hidden expiration... now he will seel it on itunes..
09:14] <zibri> i liked that program so much i was really going to donate
[12:14] <zibri> fortunately I didn't do it
[12:14] <worldcup82> hmm thats not nice
[12:14] <bart> hehe
[12:14] <bart> why
[12:15] <worldcup82> because hes selling out
[12:15] <zibri> and now "someone" removed the expiratuion... what a coincidence! i wonder who was that someone :D

Someone better go tell that guy at that he'll be PWN'd next!

Friday, March 7, 2008

Zustice! The Code To End All Code

Sorry to my fans for being so quiet on my IRC server lately. I've been busy working on the ZDK with Bill. But I finally got that C++ book that charlie_the_unicorn recommended. I thought a book called "C++ for Dummies" had to be hard, but the first chapter was a piece of cake! I didn't even need to write "hello world" or anything. Just a few hard commands like ctrl-C and ctrl-V. Dude! I PWNED it!

This work should end all arguments about my brilliance. About my great ability to steal good code when I see it, and modify it quickly for my evil ways. That'll teach that stupid Zf_  guy to stop posting on those hackint0sh forums! Like I always say, "No credit shall be given, even when credit is due."

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Hello World

Today I spent the day looking at my pretty server info and I made a great discovery! I found out who has been downloading ZiPhone from Seattle!

I knew you were my fan Bill. I know everything. I saw that movie about Sillicon Valley Pirates. I'm just like you. Yeah. I talked to Jobs today, I told him he was a loser. I told him he hasn't done squat for the past 20 years. Then I invited him to join my team. Just because I'm a good guy. But he's a loser, so now I'm asking you, Bill.

Want to join my team? You don't really care if I steal your code, right? Or that I never pay for my copies of Windows, do you? I mean, why would anyone pay for Windows?! Join me Bill. You won't be too sorry. I'll even give you 10% of my donations. That's a lot of money, so you better hurry Bill. If you turn me down, I'll go ask LinuX TorvaldZ.  :D

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

BeetleJuice, BeetleJuice, BeetleJuice


People on my channel keep asking why they cannot say some words on my IRC channel, so I am telling you here. Do not forget it. I will ban you if you repeat these words 3 times (or maybe 5, I'm still learning to count). Your phone will brick if you do not listen. That is not my fault. Nothing is ever my fault. Only yours. Here is your list.

1. GeoHot (because he made my unlock, and you should not know)
2. zjlotto (because he makes better tools than I do)
3. George (because it is GeoHot's name and George zjlotto's name)
4. Dev Team (because they made AnySim, which I stole)
5. pumpkin (because he is on Dev Team, and his Italian is better than mine, even if he is not Italian)
6. MuscleNerd (because he made the fake blank bootloader, plus he knows my dirty secrets from Elite team)
7. iNdependence (because it is the best iPhone unlocking software on earth)
8. iClarified (because it will unlock your phone too)
9. http:// or www. or .com (because knowledge is power, and only I should have that)
10. hackint0sh or hackintosh or (because they do not censor, and your ignorance is my bliss)
11. sunnyDlite (because she is wonderful and she MADE me *like* her by using her Jedi mind tricks on me)
**All other juices will be banned on my next ZiBot update, just in case.

I am the God of the iPhone. I know all. Even 2000 years ago, I was giving warnings like this one:

"Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." 
- John 8:32

That is a bad thing. Just like the fake blank bootloader and the evil colored Apple logo. Evil entered the world when Eve ate that apple. Now go back to your caves and do not come out until summoned. Do not listen to anything anyone says. EVER.

Monday, March 3, 2008

My Predictable PredictionZ

People want to know how I stay ahead of the competition. Some think it is because I can steal almost as fast as people code, but they are wrong. I keep telling you. I have special powers. Why? Because I am more than human. I am more than machine. I can even predict the future. I knew the Dev Team would have something great. I knew that the fake blank bootloader was coming. I knew because they read my mind, and as usual, my mind was blank. Think about that! 

So I tell my fanboyz not to fall for the Dev Team bullshits. Making fake blank bootloaders is dangerous. You will brick your phone, and all you will get for it is a stupid Apple logo. Who wants that old logo anyway? It was stolen from the Beatles. I should know.

Prepare for my predictions. They will be amazingly predictable. First I will predict that Dev Team stole my idea. Then I will predict they are fake. Then I will predict a new, safer version of ZiPhone. I see the future. I see that I will rule. I see that the only one who will ever take Zibri down, is Zibri!

H4x0rs Get the GirlZ

I have many fans on my IRC channel. Half of them are FBI, the other half are Dev Team, the other half are gay boys who love me, and the last half are h0t chiX. Yeah. That's alot of halfs, but who's counting? I'm half-female. It works out. I let them share me. Even Jobs comes to my channel. Don't deny it.

I keep telling my fanboyz. "I never brick your phones. It's gotta be all those other programs you ever used. All those programs from Dev Team." Works just like the Jedi mind trick. I tell them what they think and they think it. Because I'm powerful. Yeah. I warned them. Even today in my IRC channel. I said they could show their ZiPhone to their girlfriends, but the side-effect was that their girlz would fall in love with me. But it was too late. Bill didn't get my warning before he ZiPhoned. Now I've got the hottest chick in the free world and she says my cigars are better than Bill's.

Borg Thoughts From My Inner-Mind

Hey Jobs!

I read your blog about the Borg and how Vista blows up in their face. You think they're stupid Jobs, but you're wrong. I watch Star Trek. I know. The Borg want to win. They want to PWN. But Vista is not good enough.

Look at ZiPhone. Notice how my beautiful spaghetti code makes more and more bricks everyday. Right now, maybe they just have no WiFi. But I keep coding. I keep improving. And they keep coming. Just look at my stats Jobs. Yeah. They love me. I'm building a Villa up in Cinque Terre with all those bricks.

You see? I'm even smarter than you, Jobs. I'm smarter than Borg. Keep sending me those iPhones and we'll see who rulz.


Back-Stabbing 101

It takes a lot of work, being an evil code thief. That's why I have to work 18 hours a day. Of course you can screw someone overnight, but where's the fun in that? Where is the beauty? I am like Steve Jobs. I love beautiful things. OK. I also like to be a nice guy, so I will give you a small lesson in how to back-stab.

The Elites were good guys, most of them. They wanted to help on the jailbreaking and unlocking scene. I wanted a big name for myself. I had one once, when I got arrested for fraud, but people forgot me (sorry but now I must cry a little *sniffle* *sniffle*). That was my golden opportunity. Erica Sadun was reporting every detail of the scene to TUAW and I knew lots of people read that. All I had to do was tell the Elites that we weren't in it for the money. It was true! We weren't in it for the money.. YET!

They followed me. It's their fault. Not mine. They gave me their code. All I did was copy from one and paste it to another, and put my name on it at the end. Isn't that beautiful? I think it is! So that's the first part of the back-stabbing. Just tell people you don't want money. Beautiful pictures like this one help too, because most people don't like to read.

Sunday, March 2, 2008

Dev Team Fake Firmwares

Z00L said:
I challenge you!! Let's make it a dare!
Incorporate an unassigned custom firmware with the next version of ziphone. You can even put your pretty picture at boot.
Surely you can easily do it since it's using the exploit "you found".
ROTFLMAO!!! That video is as fake as my big balls. Only my exploit can modify the bootloaders. I proved it with ZiPhone. But that is USELESS now. Apple has patched it, and only my new version will be able to get iTunes to accept unsigned data. That is the trick of my Zibri.dat. Next week I release ZiPhone 2.6. Even if today I said 2.5 was perfect, 2.6 is better. It only takes one line of shell script to modify the bootloader. But only I know the key. And only I know where it is. That's why I am great!

BULLSHITS Dev Team. If you did what I tell you, you will not have this problem. Now there is no Dev Team. There is no Z00L. There is only Zibri.

No Takedown, No How!

So I here there are people out there trying to take me down. Don't they know I rule? Maybe I'm Italian, but Blogger is in the USA. That's why I use them. This is a free world, even if my IRC server isn't. I can say what I want and be protected by the american constitution. Yep. You got it. I told you I PWN you. Read it and STFU.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances."

That's your constitution Blogger. Would you like a lawsuit? Because I've got alot of cash from all those donations I'm getting. My lawyers will swim in it!

Why I Rule

People keep asking me why I'm so great. How I got to be so amazing, and all that. So I'm here to set the record straight, and tell you why I rule.

Seriously, if you don't get it, you're an idiot.

No one knows you like I know you. I know the real you. I PWN you. No matter what those idiots on iPhone Dev Team say. Yeah, I PWN your ass. Don't you forget it.